This is a blog. My older sister and I just started it to chronicle the weird stuff our dad (aka "Himself"... RIP, DFW) does, a là "Shit My Dad Says." He's been doing weird stuff for years, but the kicker was when he showed up on my doorstep at 8:25 this morning (he was supposed to arrive sometime this afternoon) saying that he "got inspired" to get up and come early. "What time did you wake up?" I asked him. "2:30," he replied.
That's right. Our dad got up at 2:30 in the morning so he could shower, pack, drive two hours from Philadelphia to D.C. (okay, so it takes him THREE hours, because unlike Sammy Hagar, he CAN drive 55), and go grocery shopping before winding up at my house, where he'll be spending the next two nights drinking a lot of Scotch and watching channels that are never watched on my television unless he is there (see also: CNBC, ESPN).
Our favorite instance of Himself's weird behavior has graciously lent itself to the name of our blog. Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend. I now have a husband. This is a different guy, though I was living with him at the time and stupidly thought marriage might have been in the cards for us at some point. Anyway, Himself sent us a Christmas card in the mail. It was addressed to both of us, as he had recognized us as a couple for at least a few years by then. Inside the card was the pre-printed holiday wish, and then underneath, in two neat columns, were two separate brief handwritten messages. Mine began "Spud --" (yes, that's me) and concluded with "Love, Dad." Boyfriend's -- oh, let's call him "Shithead" -- began "[Shithead's actual name] --" and concluded with "Regards, Chris."
Years of laughter have ensued. Not days, weeks, or months. Years. Maybe you'll find it as funny as we do.
ADDENDUM: Husband has informed me it was actually sent to him, not my ex. I hope this is not grounds for divorce...
D and I think it was bc Himself didn't want Hubby to think he was gay.
ReplyDelete